Details of Charles Oakley"s incident at MSG | Clippers vs Knicks | Feb 8, 2017 | 2016-17 NBA Season
Charles Oakley was arrested at Madison Square Garden in the first quarter of the Knicks-Clippers game for yelling at James Dolan and then fighting security.
Oakley is well-known as a terrifying man, in the sense that he could probably beat up G*d if he wanted to. During his NBA career, he was a feared enforcer who got into a multitude of fights.
After his arrest, I wondered if theres ever a situation that would call for someone to engage Oakley willingly, and how desperate it has to be for a human being to make such a bad decision. Heres what I came up with:
You come home from work and the gym. Youve spent the last two hours doing one or two reps at a machine before spending the rest of the time on your phone, so obviously youre tired. You go to turn on the lights only to find out that the bulb went out. Centennial Light, my a*s, you mumble.
And thats when you notice a very large figure seated in your living room chair.
Before you can ask who he is and what hes doing in your house, he addresses you.
Ive been expecting you, he says. He sounds like Carmelo Anthony, so you reply, Wait, Carmelo Anthony?
He darts up. No, Im not Carmelo Anthony! Im and then theres an awkward silence between the two of you as he tries to think of a code name. Never mind who I am! The point is that I have your wife and kids and the only way that youre getting them back is if you bring me Phil Jacksons Book of Zen before midnight. Otherwise ...
Immediately you have a lot of questions, like what is going on? and why that book? and of course, what wife and kids?
He says that once he has that book, Jackson will be powerless and he can defeat him. He tells you that the book is in Jacksons office in Madison Square Garden and that its being guarded day and night by Charles Oakley. You will have to defeat him in hand-to-hand combat to get it.
Charles Oakley? you ask incredulously. Youre crazy, Im not doing that. He once took someones baby out of a mans hands before he slapped him.
The shadowy figure then tells you that if you dont complete the mission, youll never save your parents, which is odd because he supposedly had your wife and kids; but before you can gather more, hes gone. Just like Carmelo Anthony to disappear when you need him.
Anyways, you get in your car and begin driving to Madison Square Garden. It suddenly starts snowing hard, which is odd considering that climate change is a Chinese hoax. As you contemplate this at a stop light, a bewildered man rambling about a unicorn runs right past your car. You look closer and notice that the man looks just like a disheveled Derrick Rose. Whatever, theres no time for that. Your parents and/or wife and kids need you.
Roses game has resembled a homeless mansPhoto by Scott Halleran/Getty Images
When you arrive at MSG, Joakim Noah is there waiting for you. He tells you that before you can get to Oakley, you will need to defeat him and a few others.
Im sworn to defend Phil Jackson at any cost, he says. Its written in my $72 million contract.
He slowly lunges at you, but before he can reach you, his body breaks down and disintegrates into dust. Somehow he manages to miss a layup in the process.
You run into three people next. They all look alike. You really cant tell them apart. They start beating you up. Badly. I mean elbows and everything. Its awful actually, youre not even fighting back. Then it hits you not just their boots to your face, but who they are and how to defeat them. They are the Plumlee brothers and you need to point out which one is Marshall for it to end. Emboldened, you pull out your phone and hold it up in the air. A video of Blake Griffin continuously posterizing Marshall starts playing and you notice one of them wince at the sight. To him you whisper, Cody Zeller is better than youll ever be.
A tear rolls down his eye, and Marshall collapses into the arms of his brothers, who take him away.
Knicks owner James Dolan has turned his team into a laughingstock.Getty Images
Its almost midnight now and you run towards Jacksons office. Two James Dolans appear in your path. They speak in unison: One of us always lies and the other always tells the truth. Before you can go inside and face charles oakley, you must point out which one of us is the liar and which one is honest based on our following declarations.
The first says: The Knicks will be relevant in five years.
The second says: The Knicks will be relevant in 10 years.
You think about the current job of the Phil Jackson regime, about the Linsanity period, the Mike Woodson era, the collapse of the Amare Stoudemire and Anthony duo, Mike DAntoni and J.R. Smith, their attempt at wooing LeBron James, losing by 50 points to Dallas, selecting Jordan Hill eighth in the draft, Isiah Thomas as President and the fact they havent won a championship since 1973. Its a trick question.
The Knicks will never be relevant again, you proclaim. They will hit a new rock bottom every year.
The Dolans nod to each other and smile. They open the door.
Inside you see the gray, but still very large and intimidating Oakley. Like, hes pretty big. Hes scary as h**l. As you go to explain to him that you need the book to save your parents and the wife and kids you never knew you had, he grabs you by the neck, lifts you off the ground with one arm and slaps you continuously with the other hand until you pass out from the pain.
You wake up outside on the ground. A large, bald man is standing over you. As your senses come to you, you realize that its Charles Barkley. Theres never a time where you should try to fight Oakley. Leave that man alone, he says. He starts laughing derisively, calls you turrible and walks off.
George Lopez and a woman who attended his stand-up show had a bit of a standoff in the middle of his routine when she apparently disagreed with the sentiment of one of his jokes at the Celebrity Theatre in Phoenix.
"There"s still two rules in the f**king Latino family," Lopez joked. "Don"t marry somebody black, and don"t park in front of our house."
But one woman in the audience didn"t seem to agree with the sentiment and responded by flipped him off.
That just prompted Lopez to launch into a tirade filled with profanity her way. "Sit your f**king a** down. I"m talking b***h. Sit your f**king a** down," Lopez shouted. "You paid to see a show. Sit your a** down. You can"t take a joke, you"re in the wrong motherf**king place."
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LOS ANGELES, CA - NOVEMBER 20: george lopez attends fiesta shalom hosted by the Consulate General Of Israel at Tamayo Restaurant on November 20, 2016 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Joshua Blanchard/Getty Images for Consulate General Of Israel)
NEW YORK, NY - NOVEMBER 09: Comedian George Lopez performs onstage during the Natural Resources Defense Council"s "NRDC"s Night of Comedy" Benefit with Seth Meyers, John Oliver, George Lopez, Mike Birbiglia and Hasan Minhaj on November 9, 2016 in New York City. (Photo by Mike Coppola/Getty Images for The Natural Resources Defense Council)
LOS ANGELES, CA - SEPTEMBER 25: George Lopez and Arsenio Hall attend a baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the Los Angeles Dodgers at Dodger Stadium on September 25, 2016 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Noel Vasquez/GC Images)
LAS VEGAS, NV - NOVEMBER 05: Actor/Comedian George Lopez performs onstage during 2016 Soul Train Music Awards - Soul Train presents The Comedy Get Down on November 5, 2016 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by Paras Griffin/BET/Getty Images for BET)
LAS VEGAS, NV - AUGUST 20: (L-R) Comedian George Lopez, Camillia Gonzalez of Padres Contra El Cancer, Gemma Gonzalez, recording artist Carlos Santana and drummer Cindy Blackman attend the Padres Contra El Cancer"s 16th annual "El Sueno de Esperanza" celebration at The Venetian Las Vegas on August 20, 2016 in Las Vegas, Nevada. (Photo by Gabe Ginsberg/FilmMagic)
WESTLAKE VILLAGE, CA - AUGUST 15: Cedric the Entertainer and George Lopez arrive to Bogie"s at Spanish Hills Country Club on August 15, 2016 in Camarillo, California. (Photo by Harmony Gerber/Getty Images)
JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE - "Jimmy Kimmel Live" airs every weeknight at 11:35 p.m. EST and features a diverse lineup of guests that include celebrities, athletes, musical acts, comedians and human interest subjects, along with comedy bits and a house band. The guests for Thursday, July 21 included Viggo Mortensen (Captain Fantastic), George Lopez (The Comedy Get Down Tour) and musical guest Colin Hay. (Photo by Randy Holmes/ABC via Getty Images))GUILLERMO RODRIGUEZ, GEORGE LOPEZ
LOS ANGELES, CA - JULY 21: George Lopez is seen at "Jimmy Kimmel Live" on July 21, 2016 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by RB/Bauer-Griffin/GC Images)
HOLLYWOOD, CA - JUNE 12: George Lopez shows off his shirt at Hollywood Bowl Presents The 38th Anniversary Playboy Jazz Festival Day 2 at the Hollywood Bowl on June 12, 2016 in Hollywood, California. (Photo by Mathew Imaging/WireImage)
SAN FRANCISCO , CA - JUNE 07: Comedian George Lopez attends the Scleroderma Research Foundation"s Cool Comedy - Hot Cuisine at the Fairmont Hotel on June 7, 2016 in San Francisco, California. (Photo by Trisha Leeper/Getty Images)
THE TONIGHT SHOW STARRING JIMMY FALLON -- Episode 0477 -- Pictured: (l-r) Comedian George Lopez during an interview with host Jimmy Fallon on May 23, 2016 -- (Photo by: Andrew Lipovsky/NBC/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images)
BURBANK, CA - MAY 02: Comedian George Lopez attends the Backstage Creations Retreat At George Lopez"s Celebrity Golf Classic at Lakeside Golf Club on May 2, 2016 in Pacific Palisades, California. (Photo by Tommaso Boddi/WireImage)
BURBANK, CA - MAY 02: George Lopez and Eva Longoria attend the Ninth Annual George Lopez Celebrity Golf Classic held at Lakeside Golf Club on May 2, 2016 in Burbank, California. (Photo by JB Lacroix/WireImage)
SANTA MONICA, CALIFORNIA - APRIL 10: Actor George Lopez attends 2016 TV Land Icon Awards at The Barker Hanger on April 10, 2016 in Santa Monica, California. (Photo by Jason Kempin/Getty Images for TV Land )
NEW YORK, NEW YORK - MARCH 30: Comedian George Lopez, of TV Land"s "Lopez" poses for photographs after ringing the NASDAQ stock market opening bell at the NASDAQ MarketSite on March 30, 2016 in New York City. (Photo by Brent N. Clarke/FilmMagic)
THE CHEW - George Lopez and singer Monica are the guests today, April 18, 2016 on "The Chew." "The Chew" airs MONDAY - FRIDAY (1-2pm, ET) on the ABC Television Network. (Photo by Fred Lee/ABC via Getty Images) MICHAEL SYMON, GEORGE LOPEZ
NEW YORK, NY - MARCH 30: George Lopez rings The Nasdaq Stock Market Opening Bell at NASDAQ on March 30, 2016 in New York City. (Photo by Laura Cavanaugh/WireImage)
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The crowd cheered for Lopez as he went on to issue an ultimatum to the woman, and even after the show, it looked like he wasn"t about to back down from his stance, writing on Twitter, "You have 2 choices , have a good day or get the f*** out #gacho."
Donald Trump Senator John Mccain argue Yemen Raid | Donald Trump Ivanka Trump Nordstrom
Go buy Ivankas stuff, is what I would tell you. ... Im going to give it a free commercial here: Go buy it today.
Kellyanne Conway
Thats President Trumps senior adviser Kellyanne Conway addressing the American people from the White House briefing room Thursday morning.
Conway, appearing remotely for Fox & Friends, told viewers they should go buy [first daughter] Ivanka [Trumps] stuff following reports that some retailers are dropping Ivankas eponymous clothing and shoe lines.
Im going to give it a free commercial here: Go buy it today, Conway told the Fox News
FOX, +0.39%
FOXA, +0.20%
morning program.
Trump himself went after Nordstrom by name in a tweet this week after the retailer said last week that poor sales were behind its decision to drop ivanka trumps brand.
Other reports have said that T.J. Maxx and Marshalls
TJX, +1.10%
are at minimum bending to a boycott of the brand.
Ivanka Trump does not have an official role in the administration but informally advises her father. She did move her family from New York to Washington, and husband Jared Kushner has been included in administration meetings with a more formalized role.
Read: Nordstrom recovers from Trumps Terrible! tweet in just 4 minutes
One of the worst-performing stocks in the S&P 500 right now is Nordstrom (JWN) . In fact, 482 stocks have performed better this year. Yet most analysts remain bullish on the company. Nordstrom reports earnings on Feb. 23.
The stock bottomed out last June after a series of ugly quarterly misses. The shares climbed as investors bought the stock on its low valuation and the company"s optimism regarding the coming holiday season. The stock rose 64% from the lows.
The stock reversed course in mid-December after a brutal downgrade from JPMorgan that turned investor sentiment negative. the stock plunged 7.5% to $51. Then, on Jan. 5, Kohl"s (KSS) preannounced a disastrous holiday quarter. Nordstrom kept sliding and now seems trapped at $44.
On Nov. 10, Nordstrom reported third-quarter fiscal 2016 earnings of 84 cents per share, 32 cents better than expected. Revenue rose 7.2% year over year.
Same-store sales rose 2.4%, in line with estimates. The quarter included Nordstrom"s anniversary sale. Because of a calendar shift, the sale was recorded in the third quarter. Taken together, same-store sales for the second and third quarter were up 0.4%.
The Nordstrom Rack brand, which includes Nordstrom Rack, Hautelook and Nordstromrack.com, saw net sales jump 10.1% and comparable sales grow by 3.9%.
Gross margin rose 93 basis points to 34.8%, helped by tight inventory control, fewer markdowns and occupancy leverage. Selling, general and administrative expenses rose 3% to 28.5%.
While the company posted a solid quarter, the fourth quarter looks more difficult. Analysts are looking for earnings of $1.17 per share on $4.3 billion in revenue.
TODAY: Morning snow will be heavy at times before tapering quickly in the late morning and early afternoon. It gets windy and blustery after that, with 40 mph gusts. Temperatures hover near 32.
SNOWFALL TOTALS:
4-8" across the heart of the Delaware Valley including Philadelphia (the city will likely end up on the low end of this range, with higher amounts farther north)8-12" across the Lehigh Valley, northern Mercer/Monmouth counties in N.J. and northeastward toward NYC2" to 4" across New Castle County, Del. and much of southern New JerseyCoating to 2" from Dover, Del. over to Millville and Atlantic City in N.J.
TONIGHT: Look for mainly clear skies, but brisk and bitter with a 10-20 m.p.h. NW wind and a cold low of 18.
FRIDAY: Sun gives way to increasing clouds. It"s still brisk and cold with a high of only 32.
SATURDAY: We have mostly cloudy skies. It gets milder in the afternoon, with our high zooming back up to 47.
SUNDAY: Look for cloudy skies with periods of rain likely. The high is a much milder at 55.
MONDAY: Any morning clouds give way quickly to sunshine, and the afternoon looks bright and still mild. The high is 50.
TUESDAY: Look for partial sunshine with a somewhat chillier high of 46.
WEDNESDAY: We have partly sunny skies with another high around 47.
THURSDAY: Look for mostly cloudy skies with a chance for a mix of rain and snow. The high is 42.
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Virginia vs. Syracuse Men"s Basketball Highlights (2016-17)
Syracuse, N.Y. -- After two wins over then-top-10 teams at home and two dramatic victories on the ACC road, the logical question surfaces about Syracuse"s basketball team:
Has it fully entered the NCAA Tournament picture?
"I have them right now in the field and almost escaping (the play-in games in) Dayton. If you stack up the 36 at-large teams, they would be team 33," said Patrick Stevens, a respected bracketologist who does work forthe Washington Post. "What that goes to show you is you play well for three weeks, you might be in good shape, because the edge of the field is not remarkable in any way."
Syracuse, 16-9 overall and 8-4 in the ACC, has won five straight games, including victories over Virginia and Florida State. Both of those wins came at home. SU, winless on the road until Feb. 1, has claimed two straight victories away from the Carrier Dome.
And while North Carolina State and Clemson are not, at this point, predicted to be in the NCAA Tournament field (Clemson is one of those teams on the edge), Syracuse needed to collect any sort of road victory.
"At least they"ve won away from home," Stevens said. "They"ll still be well-served to beat somebody else on the road. But now, they"re in almost preservation mode."
Stevens looked at the Orange"s remaining games: at Pittsburgh, home against Duke and home and away games with Louisville and Georgia Tech. Sweeping Georgia Tech and winning on the road against Pittsburgh, at this point, are victories the metrics might predict.
"You get three of those wins and then you pick somebody else off and they look like they"re in solid shape," Stevens said. "If you"re them, you gotta feel pretty good about how things are turning around. Having Virginia and Florida State in the bank already helps them significantly."
Right now, SU ranks 36 in Jeff Sagarin, 48 inKen Pomeroy and 64 in the RPI. The NCAA Committee will still heavily weigh the RPI, a measure it has used for years, though the committee met with advanced metrics gurus last month to discuss implementing different analytics in the future.
The bracket matrix, which considers a collection of bracketologists, has not been updated today. In its last incarnation, last night at 7:26, Syracuse was the top team in the "first four out" category. That was before the Orange beat Clemson on the road. Clemson had been one of the last teams in the NCAA Tournament field.
syracuse basketball keeps finding ways to win with season on the line
