How have the Dallas Stars prospects done in this past week of hockey? Defending Big D is committed to to giving you weekly updates as their seasons progress.
North American Juniors and NCAA
OHL
The first two games of the OHL"s finals begun this week with Aaron Haydon (Niagara IceDogs) facing off against Chris Martenet (London Knights).
The first two games of the series were a one-sided affair as the Knights took a 2-0 series lead.
Both Haydon and Martenet went pointless as the Knights beat the Icedogs 4-1 on Thursday and 6-1 on Saturday. Highlights of Thursday"s game can be foundhere and highlights of Saturday"s game can be foundhere.
Chris Martenet has still not registered a point in the playoffs for the London Knights. Haydon finished a combined minus three through the first two games of the series.
Game three is on Monday evening.
Post Season
Team
GP
Goals
Assists
Points
PIMs
+/-
North American Juniors/NCAA
OHL
Aaron Haydon (D)
Niagara IceDogs
15
2
2
4
12
3
Chris Martenet (D)
London Knights
16
0
0
0
4
5
Patrick Sanvido (D)
Windsor Spitfires
5
0
1
1
0
-5
Sweden
SHL
Niklas Hansson (D)
HV71
6
0
0
0
0
1
Allsvenskan
John Nyberg (D)
Oskarshamn
5
0
0
0
0
-3
Sweden Juniors
John Nyberg (D)
Frolunda J20
3
0
3
3
6
4
Finland
Liiga
Roope Hintz (C)
HIFK
18
2
4
6
2
2
Russia
KHL
Dmitry Sinitsyn (D)
Dynamo Moscow
1
0
0
0
0
0
North American Professional Leagues:
Post Season:
X indicates that a player is currently with the Dallas Stars
Fan-filmed video footage of ALLEGIANCE OF ROCK"s May 7 performance at the Stockholm Rocks festival at Debaser Medis in Stockholm, Sweden can be seen below.
ALLEGIANCE OF ROCK is the new Swedish/Greek collaboration between guitarist Gus G. (OZZY OSBOURNE, FIREWIND), bassist John Levn (EUROPE), drummer Anders Johansson (HAMMERFALL, YNGWIE MALMSTEEN) and vocalist Mats Levn (CANDLEMASS, TREAT, YNGWIE MALMSTEEN). Stockholm Rocks marked the first-ever appearance by ALLEGIANCE OF ROCK, which performs songs from the past, present and future of the bandmembers" own back catalogues and more. In an interview with Hardrock Haven, Gus stated about his collaboration with Mats: "I met him in 2003 at a festival in Sweden where he was playing with . And I"m bit a fan of him since he saw on Yngwie Malmsteen"s "Facing The Animal". So we met there and had a great time. And we became buddies through the years and jammed together. We always stayed in touch. And he"s the guy whose I always wanted to do something with. And in 2010, I asked him to join FIREWIND because our singer couldn"t come on tour with us. Mats has the advantage to be not only a singer but a songwriter and producer too."
San Antonio Spurs vs Oklahoma City Thunder - Game 3 - 1st Half Highlights | 2016 NBA Playoffs
San Antonio is succeeding in a different way, even while hanging onto everything that made them great.
OKLAHOMA CITY -- Two people represented the Spurs at the podium on Friday after Game 3"s 100-96 victory -- Gregg Popovich, as always, and Tony Parker, whose throwback 19-point performance was essential to San Antonio"s victory.
Absent were Kawhi Leonard and LaMarcus Aldridge, who each spoke quickly to smaller audiences and fewer television cameras in the Chesapeake Energy Arena"s visiting locker room. It was a classic Spurs approach, celebrating the unexpected performance of the little guy (a role the 33-year-old Parker has filled this year) rather than sending their two stars to the podium together. And as San Antonio look less and less like the Spurs, it"s nice to know some things never change.
The classic Spurs offense is something everyone can envision: ball movement whipping around the perimeter, a dozen different touches of the ball before a weakness is discovered, a feeling like the Spurs have seven players (or 700) on the court and the referees just haven"t caught them. That"s still a great strategy against some teams, Manu Ginobili said, but not the Thunder. Against them, you have to rely on the individual greatness of Leonard and Aldridge.
"It wouldn"t be smart to not use those two," Manu Ginobili said. "They are both maybe top-10, top-12 in the league, and they are having a remarkable season, an incredible playoff series."
San Antonio did that. After 38- and 41-point games to open the series, Aldridge was slowed slightly, scoring 24 points on 8-of-21 shooting with eight rebounds. Leonard came through with his series-high, dropping 31 points on 9-of-17 shooting with 11 rebounds and three assists. The ball constantly rotated through their hands: Aldridge touched the ball 78 times, Leonard 68, per the NBA"s player tracking data. Besides Parker, the point guard who begins every play, no other Spur recorded more than 50 touches.
"Moving the ball is great and we all have fun, but you gotta go to where it gives you the best chance of scoring," Ginobili said. "Today, giving (Leonard and Aldridge) the ball, especially down the stretch, gave us opportunity. In this situation, with their physicality, their length and strength, it"s almost a no-brainer that we gotta go to them."
It"s the changing of the guard in San Antonio, and with it comes a new style, one only heightened by the Spurs" arrival to the postseason. In seven playoff games, Aldridge has scored 161 points and Leonard, 156. The Big 3 -- Parker, Ginobili and Tim Duncan -- have only combined for 152 points. Those Spurs won the classic way we remembered. These Spurs are finding their own way, even while those legends from the old days stick around at least a little while longer.
Still, a few more post-ups and isolations than in the past doesn"t mean the Spurs have abandoned their core tenets that caused them ascend dynastically last decade.
"That doesn"t change anything,"Patty Mills told SB Nation. "The values and the groundwork and the base of what this organization is always going to be is what we hang our hat on. Everyone understands that. As we transition, it"s just about blending both together to get the most out of everyone. They"re the type of players who can do that."
Oklahoma City"s version of the two-star system wouldn"t work in San Antonio. The bold, brash superstardom that occupies the public spotlight is something Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook enjoy. The Thunder have consistently lacked the structure around those two to do anything but rely on them outright, too, so it"s no wonder when they combine for 49 shots like Game 3, and when they always take the podium together, win or lose.
Leonard is a superstar in exactly the opposite way. He"s the player that fits every cliche that San Antonio embodies: the hard worker, the quiet learner, the player who leads by example, the star who just wants to be a regular dude. As his climb towards becoming an All-Star began, there was never any doubt he would fit into the culture of the Spurs.
Aldridge was a different case, coming from Portland, where he was the main man for several years. That he chose San Antonio over other destinations said a lot, but he still had to prove the team-first mantra that the Spurs require, even while frequently being responsible for so much more. And by deflecting a question asked about exactly that, there"s no doubt Aldridge has passed his tests.
"I just do what we need," Aldridge answered. "It"s not about me, it"s about the team. If it ends up being like that, it"s fine."
With two dominant stars that are treated as such, these Spurs have clearly turned into a different iteration of themselves. But in another way, they"re exactly the same. All the Spurs have ever wanted was to win, no matter what shape or form it took, no matter which players helped them do it.
24/7 Canelo/Khan - Episode 1: Full Show (HBO Boxing)
Diego De La Hoya and Jason Quigley headline the prelims tonight, streaming live here at BLH.
This evening at 7 p.m. ET, Golden Boy will stream the preliminary bouts from the Canelo-Khan card, featuring a handful of notable prospects in action before the pay-per-view goes live at 9 p.m. ET.
You can watch the show right here at Bad Left Hook, with the video above.
Super bantamweight prospects Diego De La Hoya (14-0, 8 KO) and Rocco Santomauro (13-0, 1 KO) will square off in an eight-round bout. De La Hoya is one of Golden Boy"s top prospects, the cousin of "The Golden Boy" himself, Oscar De La Hoya, while Santomauro is trained by Shane Mosley, a former Golden Boy fighter and a past rival of Oscar"s.
Middleweight Jason Quigley (10-0, 9 KO) will also be in action, taking on veteran James de la Rosa (23-3, 13 KO).
* * * * *
RESULTS
Diego De La Hoya def. Rocco Santomauro by TKO (1:59 of round 7)
Jason Quigley def. James de la Rosa by unanimous decision (100-90, 100-90, 100-90)
* * * * *
DIEGO DE LA HOYA vs ROCCO SANTOMAURO
Round 1: Santomauro barking on every jab he throws. Great. One of these. He"s certainly active to start. You can hear it. Diego picking him off on counters a little bit. But Santomauro is leading the action right now. Both guys landing a little bit here, but Diego did better on the counters, landing a few good shots. De La Hoya 10-9
Round 2: Diego still clipping Santomauro with counter shots. He clearly has more power and better skills here. Santomauro isn"t terrible, but his confidence is not being matched by his boxing right now. Good body shots. hard counter right and down goes Santomauro with 20 seconds left in the round! Santomauro screaming. He"s got a good little act. De La Hoya 10-8, 20-17
Round 3: Santomauro has no power and doesn"t have better skills than Diego. So this is a real uphill battle. Santomauro still getting touched with counters. Chasing Diego around some. He"s trying, there"s no doubt about that. Uppercut counter late in the round from De La Hoya, Santomauro just walks into it. And then another shot. De La Hoya 10-9, 30-26
Round 4: Jay Nady with lots of warnings about stuff. Heads, low blows, pushing down, the Jay Nady toolbox of warnings. Diego is the clearly better fighter here. De La Hoya clips Rocco with a left hook. Santomauro just has no power. He"s got a lot of confidence, but the lack of power is taking him out of this fight. Nice counters from Diego, and an uppercut busts Rocco"s nose. Left hook. De La Hoya 10-9, 40-35
Round 5: De La Hoya in total control. Kind of a mismatch at this point. De La Hoya 10-9, 50-44
Round 6: Diego continues to more or less dominate the fight. I mean he"s not going overboard, but he"s easily winning this fight. He"s stronger and he"s better. Santomauro is a tough kid and doing what he can, but he"s out of his depth a bit against a prospect who keeps getting better. Santomauro"s right eye bloodied now. De La Hoya 10-9, 60-53
Round 7: De La Hoya loses a point for a low blow about 50 seconds into the round. Coming off of that, De La Hoya is pressing a bit more. Maybe he wants that point back. Another good right and Diego is flurrying when Mosley stops it in the corner. Santomauro congratulates De La Hoya. De La Hoya TKO-7
JASON QUIGLEY vs JAMES DE LA ROSA
Round 1: Good right hand early from Quigley. It"s been a while since de la Rosa has been in the ring, last fight in December 2014, when he was knocked out by Hugo Centeno Jr. Quigley patiently doing good work in the opening round, landing the better shots. Hard right over the top late in the round. de la Rosa having trouble pulling the trigger so far. Quigley 10-9
Round 2: de la Rosa doing some better work in this round, but still eating right hands from Quigley. Good hook to the body from de la Rosa late in the round, about a minute left here. Quigley still landing the better shots. Quigley 10-9, 20-18
Round 3: de la Rosa showing some resistance here, landing some good shots. Quigley landing pretty cleanly still, though. Offensively, de la Rosa is in this. Defensively, not as much. Left hook from Quigley. Quigley 10-9, 30-27
Round 4: Still some good body work from de la Rosa. Quigley"s never been past four rounds, so this could be interesting if we go past five or six. Good hook from Quigley catches de la Rosa wide open. Quigley"s been good so far. de la Rosa giving him enough interesting looks that this is a real step-up. Quigley 10-9, 40-36
Round 5: Decent fight here. Quigley doing a solid job, lands a good chopping right, de la Rosa comes back with a solid shot, and Quigley clips him and shakes de la Rosa"s legs a bit. His right hand is too much. de la Rosa wobbling around comically. Left hook from Quigley. Another right. Quigley 10-9, 50-45
Round 6: de la Rosa"s legs have really slowed down, and he"s a stationary target at this point. Quigley continues to do good, solid work. Nothing special, but doing what he pleases, more or less, and not going overboard. Fighting within himself. Quigley 10-9, 60-54
Round 7: Quigley continuing to land better shots, lots of clean punches, but de la Rosa still trying to walk him down and push through this. de la Rosa with a better round here, though. I liked him in this one. de la Rosa 10-9, Quigley 69-64
Round 8: Quigley definitely showing some fatigue here. de la Rosa has baited him a bit these last two rounds, and he"s in control here in the first half of this round. Quigley eating some shots now. Quigley with a long right. Quigley to the body. Good little exchange late, both throwing big shots. de la Rosa 10-9, Quigley 78-74
Round 9: Good hook from Quigley, he"s on the front foot again this round and landing shots, leading the action. Quigley banginga way with de la Rosa on the ropes, then a right hand snaps back de la Rosa"s head, and he"s on the run a bit. Quigley trips flying forward. Corner yells at him to relax. Right hand again from Quigley as action resumes. Right hand down the pipe from Quigley. Now he"s back to moving a bit more as the round winds down. Quigley 10-9, 88-83
Round 10: Nice left and then a right from Quigley. He"s picking shots here, playing it safe but not on his bike. de la Rosa with a little blood from the corner of his left eyebrow. de la Rosa following Quigley around, getting hit here and there. Quigley 10-9, 98-92
Brie Larson Reveals How Her Role in "Room" Hit Close to Home
SNL kicked off its final stretch of the season celebrating Mothers Day, so who better than to host but the actress behind one of 2015s most powerful (and award-winning) motherhood roles?
Yes, while Room and this episode of SNL shared a focus on mothers, Brie Larsons part in each couldnt have been more different, as she joined the sketch shows cast for a consistent, if unsurprising, episode.
In fact, the biggest surprise of the night came in the cold open, which saw Dana Carvey return as Church Lady to interview Lucifer in the flesh Ted Cruz and Donald Trump. Though its always great to see Carvey back in the wig and blazer of perhaps his most iconic SNL character, the night would prove to offer much more biting takes on the competitors for the Republican presidential nomination.
But the show did take plenty of time to celebrate Mothers Day to often funny results even if Larson was often saddled with playing the straight woman to the other cast members. (Surrounded by the shows female cast during a solid baby shower sketch, she essentially is asked to play the set-up to the punchlines of the other cast members as they explain the cult-ish behavior of women in their neighborhood.) But she jumped in with an infectious energy and joy from the start, including a monologue that included an appearance from her real mom.
Larson found laughs where she could, and admirably ceded the spotlight as a worthy team player when asked. But her lack of starring roles created an odd paradox for the episode: the show was funny even if Larson wasnt the main reason why.
Still, she proved herself a valuable player (and worthy of a return where shes given a bit more to do) in a strong episode with sketches like
The Dangers of the Afterlife
Though a refresh of a previous sketch, the panel of three women who were dead for 55 minutes delivered some of the biggest laughs of the night thanks to the awkward post-death experience of Kate McKinnons character, Ms. Rafferty. While Cecily Strong and Brie Larsons once-deceased characters enjoyed a beautiful, uplifting visit into the afterlife, Raffertys guardian angel, Keith, was apparently new to the job. Though its a delight to see McKinnon on the verge of breaking, she is hilarious her own right while explaining how Keith forced her to be Donald Ducking it with fun bun and mud gun out in full view.
Quiz Whiz 2018
The nights sole game show sketch set in 2018 and requiring two contestants to name Ted Cruz (while having no clue who he is) didnt really work until its twist ending. But the idea, and Larsons commitment to it, make for a fantastic turn when her character is revealed to be Heidi Cruz. Throw in an odd salute to 2018s President Trump and the sketch feels like the show is finally starting to figure out how to tackle the Republican side of the presidential campaign. Now it just needs to learn how to make the entire sketch funny.
Weekend Update
Colin Jost and Michael Ches era of Weekend Update has been a spotty one, but the two cohosts have started to actually seem comfortable behind the desk this season. This weeks episode is perhaps one of if not the best examples of how much theyve grown, as the duo came out of the gate swinging with some great commentary on Donald Trump becoming the presumptive Republican nominee, his taco bowl photo, and the general feelings toward his and Hillary Clintons imminent nominations.
But the two found some great humor in a few of the smaller jokes as well, whether it be about the Rio 2016 Olympics or a man arrested for stuffing a python down his pants.Their strength this week proved particularly noticeable as they werent consistently outshined by the guests visiting the Update desk, save for Laura Persons. Vanessa Bayer has played hilarious child characters before on Update, but Lauras penchant for discussing adult topics (Herpes is when your downstairs says Ai yi yi!) makes for one of her best yet.
Cast MVP
Kate McKinnon brought life to every sketch she was in, lifting even the most average of bits with her commitment to each character (a random model included with Trumps family to her cult-ish mother at a baby shower). Shes easily the standout of the nights Game of Thrones parody of Spoiler Jon Snows revival End Spoiler, playing a wide-eyed, restless Melisandre who herself cant even believe how much time is being spent watching a dead body on a table.
Musical Moment
Alicia Keys returned to Studio 8H with two of her new songs, In Common and Hallelujah, and though the former may have just been released as a leading single, it was the latter that proved to be the nights better performance. The sound mixing seemed off for In Common, burying Keys vocals, whereas Hallelujah lets her shine thanks to simple but effective instrumentation and Keys powerful vocals.
Odds and ends:
The Baby Showers final twist wasnt the nights biggest laugh, but the sketch included some of the nights best lines, such as Bathrooms are oceans, but the kitchen is a farm, There are only seven bags in this entire county because of women like us, women with good taste and the foresight to save, and Aidy Bryants excellent delivery of Whats in motion cannot be undone.
Sasheer Zamatas appearance on Weekend Update may be the most time the show has given her this season in the spotlight. Though the segment demonstrated just how much sitting behind the Update desk is an acquired skill, she still snuck in a few great lines while discussing Larry Wilmores use of the N-word at the White House Correspondents Dinner.
The hologram album of old music stars singing the hits of today wasnt the best iteration of this sketch (the impressions arent all specific enough to make them all worthy of the time), but its tough to beat Beck Bennetts great line: And of course you cant mention singing holograms without Tupac showing up.
Award Winners Brie Larson & Kenan Thompson Get Some Sushi
The Saturday Night Live cast recreated the resurrection of Jon Snow in HBO"s Game of Thrones this week alongside first-time host, Room star Brie Larson.
"Bring him back to life already!" the 26-year-old Oscar winner pleaded as Red Woman Melisandre (Kate McKinnon) cast spells over the Lord Commander"s lifeless body.
"We only get 10 hours in a year people and we"ve spent two in this room."
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The Saturday Night Live cast recreated the resurrection of Jon Snow in HBO"s Game of Thrones this week alongside first-time host, Room star Brie Larson
The26-year-old Oscar winner pleaded:"Bring him back to life already!We only get 10 hours in a year people and we"ve spent two in this room!"
Melisandre replied: "First I must wash his body. That"s part of the magic for sure."
When Snow, played by Pete Davidson, sat up prematurely, she shouted: "Not yet!"
When Snow was finally brought back to life, he said: "I miss my family. Take me to Bran. I want to see what Bran"s up to" - prompting groans from Larson and Cecily Strong.
SNL alum Dana Carvey (1986-1993) brought his hilarious character The Church Lady back for the show"s opening.
Red Woman Melisandre (Kate McKinnon) - casting spells over the Lord Commander"s lifeless body -replied: "First I must wash his body. That"s part of the magic for sure"
When Snow, played by Pete Davidson, sat up prematurely, Melisandre shouted: "Not yet!"
When Snow was finally brought back to life, he said: "I miss my family. Take me to Bran. I want to see what Bran"s up to" - prompting groans from Larson and Cecily Strong
As Church Chat host Enid Strict, the 60-year-old Emmy winner first reviewed Met Gala red carpet fashion.
Smug Strict sarcastically described Madonna"s "six-decade-old buns" hanging out of lacy Givenchy, and Beyonc was "all wrapped up and ready to fornicate" in latex Givenchy.
Carvey"s Enid then interviewed SNL alum/announcer Darrell Hammond (1995-2009) as the "tangerine tornado" Donald Trump.
The Church Lady said when she saw the Republican presidential candidate on his NBC reality competition The Apprentice, she thought: "Give this man the nuclear codes!"
"Well isn"t that special?" SNL alum Dana Carvey (1986-1993) brought his hilarious character The Church Lady back for the show"s opening
As Church Chat host Enid Strict, the 60-year-old Emmy winner first reviewed Met Gala red carpet fashion
Fashion critique: Smug Strict sarcastically described Madonna"s "six-decade-old buns" hanging out of lacy Givenchy, and Beyonc was "all wrapped up and ready to fornicate" in latex Givenchy
Back for more: Carvey"s Enid then interviewed SNL alum/announcer Darrell Hammond (1995-2009) as the "tangerine tornado" Donald Trump
The Church Lady said when she saw the Republican presidential candidate on his NBC reality competition The Apprentice, she thought: "Give this man the nuclear codes!"
Speak of the devil: The skit ended with satanic Ted Cruz sprouting horns after she labeled him "preachy"
The skit ended with satanic Ted Cruz sprouting horns after she labeled him "preachy."
Three-time musical guest Alicia Keys performed two songs off her upcoming sixth studio album, tentatively called The Gospel.
In Common is the 35-year-old R&B diva"s first single in four years and she just dropped the tropicalia-infused track on Tuesday.
Keys - born Cook - then debuted a new song called Hallelujah on the late-night sketch series.
R&B diva: Three-time musical guest Alicia Keys performed two songs off her upcoming sixth studio album, tentatively called The Gospel
"We"ve got way too much in common if I"m being honest with you": In Common is the 35-year-old R&B diva"s first single in four years and she just dropped the tropicalia-infused track on Tuesday
"Hallelujah, hallelujah, let me in": Keys - born Cook - then debuted a new song called Hallelujah on the late-night sketch series
Hint of cleavage: The 15-time Grammy winner looked fresh-faced in a plunging top beneath a jacket, with her curly locks wrapped in a star-spangled bandana
"5.7.16. #SNL #InCommon":Joining Alicia backstage was her husband Swizz Beatz, with whom she has two sons - Egypt, 5, and Genesis, 17 months
The 15-time Grammy winner looked fresh-faced in a plunging top beneath a jacket, with her curly locks wrapped in a star-spangled bandana.
Joining Alicia backstage was her husband Swizz Beatz, with whom she has two sons - Egypt, 5, and Genesis, 17 months.
Meanwhile, Brie - who had nothing new to promote - made her underwhelming debut as host with a forgettable Mother"s Day-themed monologue.
When Larson asked her own mother Heather Desaulniers seated in the audience, whether she was excited about the show, she replied: "Yeah I love Alicia Keys!"
Ma"s mother: Meanwhile, Brie - who had nothing new to promote - made her underwhelming debut as host with a forgettable Mother"s Day-themed monologue
When Larson asked her own mother Heather Desaulniers seated in the audience, whether she was excited about the show, she replied: "Yeah I love Alicia Keys!"
Gorgeous: However, the former child star - who relies on stylist Cristina Ehrlich - looked beautiful in various designer dresses
However, the former child star - who relies on stylist Cristina Ehrlich - looked beautiful in various designer dresses.
The Trainwreck stunner"s strongest sketch cast her as a pregnant woman at her baby shower where all the mothers convince her to get "the cut."
"The cut, the haircut all moms get," explained Sasheer Zamata.
"One day, something will break inside of you and you"ll know it"s time to get the cut."
In the tradition of Mom Jeans: The Trainwreck stunner"s strongest sketch cast her as a pregnant woman at her baby shower where all the mothers convince her to get "the cut"
Sasheer Zamata explained:"The cut, the haircut all moms get.One day, something will break inside of you and you"ll know it"s time to get the cut"
Before/after: After declaring "I will never be like you. I will never have a chunky highlight," Larson instantly appears wigged out with the cut
After declaring "I will never be like you. I will never have a chunky highlight," Larson instantly appears wigged out with the cut.
The Golden Globe winner also played a hologram of the late Lesley Gore who performed Big Sean"s ratchet hit Dance A$ featuring Nicki Minaj.
Deceased artists like Ginger Rogers, Eartha Kitt, Ethel Merman, and Tupac Shakur all covered contemporary tracks for an album compilation called Dead Bopz.
Brie - born Brianne Desaulniers - also played the part of Ted Cruz"s wife, Heidi, who was a contestant on a future game show entitled Quiz Whiz 2018.
Has hologram technology gone too far? The Golden Globe winner also played a hologram of the late Lesley Gore who performed Big Sean"s ratchet hit Dance A$ featuring Nicki Minaj
Haters gonna hate!Deceased artists like Ginger Rogers, Eartha Kitt, Ethel Merman, and Tupac Shakur all covered contemporary tracks for an album compilation called Dead Bopz
Heidi had trouble remembering her own husband was the man who finished behind Donald Trump in the Republican nominations.
"Oh my G*d that"s right! We did do that whole thing together. That was so sad. He elbowed me in the face at the end," she said, finally remembering.
The game show concluded with the contestants singing a North Korea-style allegiance song to President Trump that went: "Trump our fearless leader, his p***s big and true."
And the Digging for Fire actress got a neon-tressed, n-metal makeover as the member of a band called Discreet Annihilation seeking funding in their pathetic Kickstarter video.
Behind the buzzer: Brie - born Brianne Desaulniers - also played the part of Ted Cruz"s wife, Heidi, who was a contestant on a future game show entitled Quiz Whiz 2018
"He elbowed me in the face": Heidi had trouble remembering her own husband was the man who finished behind Donald Trump in the Republican nominations
The game show concluded with the contestants singing a North Korea-style allegiance song to President Trump that went: "Trump our fearless leader, his p***s big and true"
No-budget band: And the Digging for Fire actress got a neon-tressed, n-metal makeover as the member of a trio called Discreet Annihilation seeking funding in their pathetic Kickstarter video
Suburbia can be an enjoyable place to raise a family with safe neighborhoods and idyllic tree-lined streets. It is a place to teach your kids to ride bikes, make friends and figure out who they want to be when they grow up. In the suburbs, you"ll find all sorts of people and many of them will be parents. They will join you at cookouts, block parties and even milestone events like kids" birthdays and holidays. You will raise your children in unison. They will become friends. They will become family. And just like family, you can"t choose your neighbors. There are five types of families you may run into as you navigate the suburban jungle.
These people are serious about recycling and composting. They use food processors to make chemical-free, sugar-free, and toxin-free fruit and vegetables for their babies. This produce is procured from the garden, which is next to the composite. They pretend not to judge as you drag two bags per day to the trash, to their one--per week. The truly hardcore, rummage through bins, once darkness falls, in an attempt to save the earth one suburban garbage can at a time.
This family is so devoted to the cause, they dress their children in designer second hand outfits, think Gap and Banana Republic--after all, this is still the suburbs. Someday they will attempt to pass these hand me downs along to your children. Do not decline. They know you have no plans to save the Earth but if you actually say it aloud, they will have to unfriend you in the neighborhood, not on Facebook. Their kids play outside in trees and consume kale chips. They judge you while yours are inside on electronics munching on high-carb, high-sodium snacks.
This family is as free-range as they come. These people parent like it"s 1980. The parents allow their kids to bike alone not only in your neighborhood, but the adjoining one as well. You may notice their offspring riding sans helmet, while holding scissors, with a baby brother hanging from their back. They raise their children with limited parental guidance; even enlisting the help of older kids (ages 8-11) to babysit younger siblings while they run down to the store.
These people won"t schedule playdates. Their kid will knock on your door to ask if your kid can come over or play outside. Sometimes this free-range boy will stop by during dinner and score himself a place at the table. The parents won"t coming looking for him until it gets dark, at which point they will yell his name until he says, "I gotta go, my ma"s calling." These are the people who have your kid over for impromptu sleepovers and will throw him in the back of the wagon for their family vacation. They believe we can all help raise each other"s children.
This family is perfect in everything including looks, dress and overall presentation. They enunciate every word and stand perfectly postured. When you are around them you are totally aware of every family deficiency, from your two-year-old"s need to smash everything after watching too much violent television, to your husband"s foul mouth after a few too many. They are the family you"d always wished you would be. The mother makes everything look easy; the father is patient and kind. The kids are mini-me"s of their parents and they win--at everything.
As the years go by, you will wish for some tiny fissure in their perfectly constructed lives. You are sure he is hiding bodies in the basement or she tortures squirrels. Thinking these things will bring about feelings of guilt, but you won"t be able to stop yourself. Eventually something will go wrong for them, female pattern baldness or male erectile dysfunction, because this is the suburbs, not utopia. No one is perfect and all families have and maintain some level of dysfunction.
They are athletic and in great shape. You often see them running through the neighborhood in matching workout gear or while biking. Even the baby joins in as they strap his tiny body into a backpack or a child safe contraption on the back of a bicycle. They always win the tug of war at the annual summer block party. The rest of the neighborhood has stopped trying.
Vacations are hikes up mountains you"ve only read about online or whitewater rafting expeditions. The parents are runners, swimmers and triathletes who race for the most obscure causes like relief for feral perimenopausal felines. They often stop by so you can pledge them. Normally you"re lying on the couch watching reality TV and hoping they don"t see you. When they do, you jump on the stationary bike gathering dust in the corner and motion for them to come in while you wipe fake sweat off your brow.
These people moved to the suburbs for the fresh air, green trees and safe streets, but they didn"t really want to. Whether forced out of guilt, in an attempt to adult, or even a job transfer, they convince themselves they won"t regret their decision. They do and it shows. They brag often about the joys of city living, the culture, the diversity and the plight--none of which exist in suburbia. The elderly couple, with the Chinese pug, at the end of the street is as diverse as it gets.
The city slickers know every Broadway show by date and run. When the local paper discusses a series of car thefts, they recall a shooting in their neighborhood and seem teary eyed. They will stay as long as you do in the burbs, but they will miss the action-packed city forever.
Suburbia is filled with all sorts of people and while they are different, each family you meet--whether granola, super fit, old school, or a combination of them all--is merely doing their best to make it through the tree-lined trenches.
